fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
