Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
