around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
