No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
