Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
