i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
false alarm, still single
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
