I am spending my child support on dildos
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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