ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize