You're completely useless in the revolution.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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