the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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