Say something about gay babies.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
