All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was confusing and full of hummus
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
