I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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