I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
