Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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