i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
