Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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