just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
