so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
