He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
