"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
