Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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