whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
