I need help removing her.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
