I wish I only lived at night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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