i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
