Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
