Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
