a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
