did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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