Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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