just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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