forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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