is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
