Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
