Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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