and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
