at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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