I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
