Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
