Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
