would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
