sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
These tits shall not be calmed
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