omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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