Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
