no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
