that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
