What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
