porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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