I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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