Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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