Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize