I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize