I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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