he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
