I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize