yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
