she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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