i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
