If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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