we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize