How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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