We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
