I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
