East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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