I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
