I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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