you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
