we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
