i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
