...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
