I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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