"it" just moved
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize